I'm sure you've been asked the question "how are you'? As I'm sure the normal response is to say "I'm fine".

I just asked myself that question and the answer I am coming up with is that I am NOT fine. I don't think things have been going very well in my life. I don't know how to change that, but I feel like I can't get a grip on anything.

Part of me wants to stand up and fight, but there is another part of me that is so tired that I can barely make it through the day. I'm scared that I won't be able to get through this period in my life. I'm afraid that I take on to much and yet, not enough. I want a break, but I have that nagging voice in my head saying that maybe I don't deserve one. That this is the way my life will be and there is not going to be any change. It will always be difficult, complicated and worrisome. I need laughter. I don't sing anymore, I don't laugh anymore.

My week is off to a booming start. I've had so many things go wrong that I just want to crawl into a ball and fade away. I'm alone, I won't be missed. The girl I have staying with me, who I haven't felt right about the entire time, is causing some grief. She has a boyfriend who is an alien on a work visa. He got arrested for drunk driving the other night. They put him in juvenile Hall and he escaped. I told her that under no circumstances that he was to come into the house. He was now running from the law and I was not going to have us get in trouble by harboring a fugitive. So I go to work and find out that she let him into the house anyway. Then there is the dog. I got a notice from the City about her putting the dog out in the front yard and not being home. When I leave every morning the damn dog is in the house! They want to site me for improper environment for the dog. That isn't even the end of it.... I got home after a stressfully, busy day at work, after being informed that we are going to have more lay offs to a notice on my window that says that the house is unfit for occupancy. Both upstairs and down. No reasons, explanations. We don't even know why the notice is there. It could be structural damage, whatever. No clue. Then I go into the house to finish the clean up I started. (BTW the sink is leaking whenever I do laundry.) and I find that the dog, who just ran out the door and down the street, had diarrhea all over the living room carpet and wall....then in my bedroom.

Tell me God has a sense of humor.