Trip to the Ballet....Disillusioned.

The donor and I have had some discussion about finances. The bottom line is to stop spending money on stupid things. Mostly, we spend money on dinner out, books, and the too often trips to Walmart. We need to get our debt down. So, he returns home last night and tells me that he went to the strip club while he was gone.HELLO!!! Did we not just discuss this? I can't think of a more meaningless way to spend money. I think it really bugged me because I spent the time while he was gone trying to make a dollar into a dime, planning menus and everything else that he asked me to do. I felt a little bit used and lied to. I don't know if that makes sense, but here I am trying to make things better for him and I'm getting the short end of the stick.

Not only with the money, but the stripper thing irritates me right now. I went out of my way to give him a great send off and then I hear that he went to the club... twice!! It's like my efforts weren't worth it. "Nice try, Jane, but the club gets me off a little better." That's how I'm feeling right now.

He gets home, gets on the computer (like he wasn't on it all the time he was gone), and pretty much ignores me.

It doesn't help that I'm feeling funny. Nausea, tender breasts, tiredness, nesting... all signs that I want to ignore....because it points into a direction that I'm not quite ready to acknowledge. I can feel the depression closing in, too. I got up this morning to his complaining and I just wanted to cry myself back to sleep...like I did last night after he read his blog to me . I usually skip the stripper parts because, honestly, they hurt. I can't be them. I'm what you see when you sit too close to the ballet.