The donor and I were lying in bed last night and I was getting a little irritated.  I don't quite know why.  I wasn't mad, just kind of frustrated.  So I asked him a few things that were swimming around my cluttered mind and I'm not sure if I fully comprehend the answers. 
 
Question 1).  Are you going to be moving into a different bedroom.
Answer :  I don't think so.
 
Question 2).  Are you leaving to visit the Ex- GF on Wednesday?  And if so are you going to be staying at her house.
Answer:  I don't know.  I have to see if I can get someone to finance the training I will be taking.  If not, no.  If so, yes I am going.  NO, I am not going to stay at her place.  I will get a hotel.
 
Question 3).  Are you going to invite her to your hotel?  And let her know you're in town? 
Answer:  No.
 
Question 4).  Are you doing this because of me?
Answer: Yes.
(My comment there was good).
 
Then I asked him if he was going to date anyone else or if he has any desire to see anyone else.  He said No.  I asked why and he said because he is living with me.  (Serial monogamous)
 
None of this reassured me. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure why I asked.  I have been kind of out of touch with my feelings.  Like someone switch off my on button.  I'm drifting in my emotions, not quite getting happy, not really upset.  Just blah.
 
EJ is teething.  He's fussy and wants to be held all the time.  I've tried ice pops, whisky and cold cloths and he still is fussy.  Poor baby.  He goes for his shots today.  Then we are going to see I ROBOT.  I don't have any desire to see that.  I don't have any desire to do anything.
 
The house is still a wreck from our coming home from vacation.  Bins are lined up in the hall as well as a mountain of clean laundry that needs folding and put away.  And it will sit there until I can get the energy to put it away.    I don't know why I'm so drained.    EJ has been sleeping throughout the night, so I'm pretty sure it's not sleep deprivation.  Maybe my pills aren't working anymore.
 
The donor and I've started dieting.  It's day 2 and it's been going pretty good.  Yesterday was hard.  I wanted a piece of cake so bad that I could smell it every time I closed my eyes.   Today is much better.  I've had a couple of hard boiled eggs and I'm going to have some sugar free jello tonight as well as a nice salad or something.
 
The donor and I had a bit of a spat the other night.  He keeps insisting that I've trapped him.  If I did it wasn't intentional.  I don't want to keep someone with me that doesn't want to be with me.  I told him that if he kept bringing it up that I was going to just pack up and leave.  I'd go stay with my mother if that was how he was going to play.  I don't have to be here.  I can leave.  I don't want to, but I will.  He said he was sorry, the following morning and said that if I were to do that that it wouldn't be good. Sigh...
 
The conversations started when he and his co-worker were talking about her marriage.  He said that she shouldn't be getting married because she has all her shit together and she would be bring on a lot of baggage with her nuptials.  Her fiance has an ex-wife, bills, kids, etc.   She said that she is marrying because she loves him.  That all that stuff doesn't matter.  I think that's idealistic, but right.
 
The donor seems to think that we should get married because it makes sense.  He can put me under his insurance and we can file taxes together (romantic  isn't he).  I told him he could shove it. I want a real marriage.
 
Needless to say, I'm not going to get one!