Trust

As with most relationships, there are issues. Money, kids, trust. The donor and I have discovered that I have an issue with trust. Basically, I don't trust his ex-girlfriend to try to have a platonic relationship with him. If you've read any of my blog, you will see that issue raise it's head.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare that he was having an affair with her. It was so realistic in my dream that I woke up and was just as upset as if it had happened in real life. I know I need to relax and let the issue go, but is it hanging in my subconscious for a reason? I haven't brought it up to the donor and I don't want to. All it would do is cause a fight. We've been getting along so well, that I really don't want to rock the boat.

She paged him on the 10th of the month and wished him a happy anniversary....their anniversary. 5 years. Needless to say, I was pissed. Especially when he tried to hide it from me. I told him that if she really wanted to be a friend then she wouldn't be offering herself to him at every turn, bringing up old relationship shit and she would be more considerate of my feelings. I also said that if she were a true friend she would ask about his family and WIFE, not just ask about the next time he's coming to town. And she would call the house... not page him.

I know I'm not paranoid about this issue, but it's hard to make him understand that his taking her side on the issue doesn't make me feel anymore secure. He's just so passionate that I'm jumping to conclusions regarding her motivations. I'm not and it irritates me that he is jumping to her defense.

Enough bitching.

He met my friend Allison. She is so what he wants. It was kind of funny. I did forewarn him. Heck, she's even breastfeeding. His perfect woman!:) I think his tongue actually touched the floor.

We had great sex last night. He's on new drugs now, so his sex drive has picked up. Mine hasn't. So getting to the point where I am wet is practically a miracle. I gave him a little bit of head...good head...not the token few licks. I was deep throating. I was going to let him cum in my mouth, but he told me he wanted to fuck. So, I climbed on top of him and he groaned that he"loved my cunt." That turned me on even more, so I started talking dirty to him...and then he came....and I kept moving...and he kept shuddering....

Needless to say....we are getting along better. We joined the mini-van ranks, and he tells me that he loves me now (and this is done without hesitation)!

Thanks for all the well wishes on the marriage. I was going to post pictures, but it's too complicated for my blood. I did get the pics back from the bachelorette party....wow, I was MESSED UP! Lap dances, penis microphones, shots...it's scary...and great blackmail material. :) on me. I could never run for office!

I Went Through With It

After a Friday night bachelorette party, where I don't remember half the night, I barely sobered up enough to make the walk down the isle to the donor.

I had a blast Friday. My sisters took me out to a club and the evening is a blur. They got me so drunk I was puking in my tub at 1 in the morning, the donor having picked me up. Drunken conversation with him included asking about EJ and who was watching him while he picked me up. All the while he is in his carrier in the back seat.

The blurred images of the night still haunt me, and shall become clearer when we get the pictures developed. I may post some online.

With a hell of a hangover I awoke early and started running around trying to get all the last minute stuff done. Not fun to do when I have a splitting headache, a screaming child, and a weak stomach. I turned into "bridezilla" as my best friend told me.

It was beautiful though. I cried while saying my vows and Simon is teasing me about it. He did say he loved me and then he asked me to marry him. I think I'm making progress.:)