I've noticed that the donor has a way of living in the past. It appears to me that he loves to rehash things that have happened in his past, and that he can recall dates from thirty years ago regarding specific, non-consequential events. I'm amazed to find that his mother does the exact same thing. His whole family loves to dwell on the past.
Personally, I can't stand thinking about the past. At 27 it's not a huge past, but it's filled with things and people that I would like to forget. I clean out my closets regularly and I never keep birthday cards and the like. I don't dwell. I sometimes run into old friends and we talk about old times, but I don't usually go looking for them.
Recently, my mother and sister ran into an old neighbor. I had no great desire to talk with her, but she was a good friend when I was in high school. We all met for drinks, and had an enjoyable time talking about what we've been up to, but that was it. We each have our own lives and have moved on.
The donor and I have had an argument about his inability to move on... (yes, I have a point!). I cannot make a move in this house without it screaming out that someone has been here before me. The furniture is passed on from his parents, new stuff was purchased with Kathleen (his ex-wife) and with Beth ( my nemesis). The bed we sleep in has been christened by both. Beth decorated the kitchen and bathroom downstairs. The long table in the living room was a wedding gift from his parents, Second floor bathroom has pics of both the ex-gf and wife, his closet in the bedroom has a slew of old ex girlfriend's pics....and the list goes on.
Deciding not to let this bother me, I've set about to make something of my own in the house. My first task was to paint our bedroom and bathroom. From cranberry to pale blue, I had my boss help me out. Simon protested the entire time. He liked his old color, he didn't want to move anything, etc. He said that I could do as I wish, so I did.
Next came the boys bathroom. I told them that they could pick out the theme for the bedroom and that would be done, too. Well, I've finished the bathroom, and was discussing the decorating of the boy's room with the donor. They wanted to do the flick paint decor, which I'm not a big fan of, but whatever. So I tell Simon and he says that maybe we can get Kathleen to come over and do it since she was someone who did painting and special effects painting and that she could add depth.
UMMMMM.....HELLO!!!!!! Never mind that I didn't ask for help with the painting, but does he not realize that I want to do this to create my own sense of home?? I want to leave my mark in a house that SCREAMS that I am not living here. I brought nothing here. I didn't even have a dresser to store my clothes. I don't even have a picture of myself in this house! NOTHING!!! Geez. I go into his drawers to put stuff away and find old pics of the ex-wife, in his sock drawer is old lingerie from another chick, under our bathroom sink is Beth's junk that I have yet to dispose of.
So I start crying. He realizes that he's said something wrong, and resigned that he's in the dog house, he apologizes. He had no clue what he did to make me cry. So I explain to him that I'm sick of living in the shadow of other women and that since this is now my home, that I am doing my all to make sure that I am leaving some kind of mark and that I want to get rid of all of their marks.
He sighs and shakes his head...half smirking he says it figures. I ask, what figures?? He then explained that he has had this same argument with all the women in his life. They also don't want to live in someone else's shadow. Beth lived in Kathleen's. Kathleen lived in Brenda's....etc. etc...
Ironically, I can't even have an original argument with him. My argument is shadowed by past arguments. Sigh. How do you make a person move on when all they want to do is dwell in a miserable past???
