http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/pregnancy/prenatalhealth/253.html?adcode=YHO%3AEDI%3AREL%3AWK25

The link above gives me a little bit of hope that I will be normal again. In the mean time I'd like to let everyone know that I am in an emotional whirlwind and I can't seem to react well to criticism. So if you're going to tell me that I am looking a little fat today or that you think I've gained weight over the past couple of days, I must ask that you restrain yourself as I cannot be held responsible for my reaction. If I don't respond in a positive way don't be surprised.

Since no one has called off the divorce for my sister she is going forward with moving down here. Speaking with my mother earlier I learned that she would arrive around 9:30 this evening. That gave me some time to kill. So I called the donor and asked him if he wanted to get together this evening to scrump. He said he was busy. Call someone else. So I did.

I called up my friend Bill and chatted with him for a while. He's been a little curious about pregnancy and sex. So I decided that I would see if he was up for a little fun. He was all for it. So I put some water in my car (the radiator is having a slight problem), then hiked it over to his place.

Besides the 3 some that I had with Annie and Sam, I haven't really slept with anyone since becoming pregnant. I did have sex with Bill once, when I was about 2 months along, but now that I'm at 8 months I was a little bit apprehensive. Putting aside slight issues with feeling attractive, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it. I was happy to find out that that was not the case. It was just like falling into a comfortable pattern. Bill and I are pretty compatible sexually and the pregnancy didn't take away from that.

When I got there we chatted for a bit; about the baby and the donor and what's been going on. He has a futon as a couch in the living room. So we sat there. My legs kind of tucked under me, my shoes on the floor next to the couch and my hands in my lap. He sat close, his arm along the back of the couch, playing with my hair. He leaned in for a kiss and that was all it took. I cupped his face in my hands and leaned in. Our mouths and tongues tangled together. He leaned me back against the couch, taking the lead. I untucked my legs and spread them apart as he settled between them A little awkward at first because of my belly, but we managed to adjust so that I could feel his hard cock pressing against me.

Thankfully Bill is a breast man and that is where he attached himself. Rubbing my nipples to get them nice and hard (like they needed help) which resulted in a nice flood of juices in my already wet panties. Then lifting my t-shirt over my head and yanking down my bra to suck my nipples into his mouth. Lord, it was great. He licked and sucked and squeezed and sucked and ran his tongue between the two adoringly.

He then traveled down to my nether regions. Sliding his hands into my maternity pants and pulling them off... tossing them and my panties to the side. The then spread my legs open wide and separated my lips and dived in. Licking on me while delving his fingers into my sopping wet cunt. He suck hard on my clit and I tangled my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer. I couldn't see what was happening, so I closed my eyes and concentrated on the pleasure. Soon enough he had me coming. In between the moans that escaped my lips I cried out "oh, yes.... oh God yes...ohhh" and then drenched his face in my essence.

Bill then stripped out of his clothing and repositioned me so that he could take me from behind. I heard him fumble with a rubber and then he was sliding his slightly curved cock into my pussy. I moaned as he filled me up and pushed back against him. Soon we were fucking furiously. Bill pulling my hair and slapping my ass as he pistoned in and out of me. I'm crying out, moaning, playing with my nipples as the swing from the pounding I'm taking. Then I hear him tell me he's going to come... he pulled out of me, took off the condom and put his dick in my mouth. I suck on him, so turned on that I'm fingering my self. He shoots off all over my face and breasts. I'm rubbing it in while licking him clean.

He sees me fingering my self and kneels down in front of me. Diving once more into my muff. I'm so close that all it takes is a few sucks in the right place and I've come again. My legs were weak from the exertion and the shook, just a bit. My breath was ragged and I shuddered as my body recovered. Little J is squirming away inside me. As he normally does when I orgasm.

Bill and I had our little recovery cuddle and then I made excuses to get home. I can't believe that I was worried about having sex with other people. Maybe it was because it was Bill that I was so comfortable, but it makes me feel a little better about going to a swingers party in a few weeks.

Dee called me last night. She's moving out. I told her to make sure that she has a letter stating that this is what her husband wants and that she is not abandoning him, that this is his doing. Apparently, he has an appointment with a lawyer on Tuesday.

I can't help but think this is all so fast. I feel so bad about the whole situation. A break up is hard enough, but then to have to deal with a pregnancy during the break up. I went through that with the donor, but I didn't have the added complication of being married to him or having him support me. It's just too sad.

She is now packing up the car and getting ready to leave. I've been crying all day, on and off. I'm dealing with a mood swings and the insecurities I have as well as trying not to call Mark and rip him a new ass for putting my sister through this. Now my car is acting up. I just want to explode on someone and I don't want to make the situation any worse. I'd love to give Mark a piece of my mind. I can't believe he would do this when she's 8 month's pregnant. Now I'm concerned that she will be suicidal. She says that she's headed to his mothers house. She will call me when she gets there. I don't know what to do for her. I just feel impotent.

I read the donor's blog tonight and I can't help but think that I'm not living my life to the fullest. Maybe it's the combination of the motivational speech and the conversation with my boss on the way home. It may even have something to do with the donor's obsession with strip joints and falling in love so easily. It all makes me yearn for something more.

Looking back on life I would have made certain changes, but since I can't do that I can go from here. I know my life is going to change once I have the baby. Little J is going to be a big change. It's going to be hard working on new goals with him around, but I need to do this. I need to make a change. I can't live and prosper in my current situation. The donor has been telling me this, but he can't motivate me. I can only motivate myself. I need to plan and execute. SERIOUSLY plan and execute. Stop making excuses for myself and the people in my life and start to make changes.

I'm going to set goals. Realistic goals and not so realistic goals. I'm going to accomplish them all. I don't plan on sitting in a strip joint 10 years from now looking for that perfect dream. I want to be living it.

The donor wants to teach at a private school. He used to be a teacher and was let go due to difference of opinion with the school's headmaster. Ever since I've know Mr. Winky all I've heard about is how he wants to go back to it. He's been out of it for 11 years and is still talking about it. A few nights ago he had dinner with the dean of the school that he attended. He told me that he wanted to teach there. Wanted little J to go there. It is life he wants.

Does he have any clue how hard it is for people to come up with a dream that sticks around that long? I think it's wonderful! I would love to have that much enthusiasm about something. He then tells me that he doesn't think it will happen. He isn't the right role model, there are too many obstacles. It's not something he's going to be able to do.

That is a cop-out. If he wants a marriage of convenience to me to make it look like we aren't a bunch of oversexed pervs, fine. I'll sign a prenup and we can state however long we want to keep this charade up. I don't want him using me or J as an excuse not to pursue his dream. If I can do anything to make up for the situation that we are in, the least I can do is sacrifice a little of my life to make his dream come true. It's important to me to do something right. I've screwed up too many things and don't want anyone to have to suffer because of my mistakes. I'm not being noble in suggesting this. If I didn't believe that he could be a wonderful teacher and make a difference I wouldn't bother. But I have faith in him and I'm willing to help him reach that dream, if I can.

Today my office closed down, and we hiked up to Richmond for a big kick-off meeting. The meeting was rescheduled 3 times, so we were a little less than enthusiastic when it finally came about! What a way to start.

The Regional Vice President came up from his Carolina office to give us a motivational speech on where he wants us to be this year and how he wants us to accomplish these goals. We watched a video about Lance Armstrong and his bout with cancer, his recovery in life and his success. He then tried to make an analogy to the video and my company's defeats and near death and their recovery and how he hopes that we too will go on to win 4 Tour de France... or the equivalent in our company's terms.

My company has been through a lot of restructuring in the past two years. I'm not saying it wasn't needed, but they lost something that I believe is important in working with a team. They lost the personal touch. That was something that Lance had with his team that my company didn't take note of. They are farming out a method of sales and preaching team work, but don't actually practice what they teach. If they did, the RVP would know that the reason that one of the sales reps was crying when she watched Lance Armstrong battle cancer and come back to make those wins, is because she is overcoming the same disease and is still one of the best sales representatives that this company has.

Instead, he shows the video and points out that if Lance can do it, then we can do it, too. What he should have done, if he had known his team, is praise Vivian on her hard work and dedication to the company, keeping up her monthly quota and exceeding the goals they gave her while fighting a disease that takes millions of lives every year.

While I admire the way he can keep the attention of the room, I don't necessarily admire the way he went about getting his point across. While he was making examples of things that can change, I noticed a certain pattern of belittlement he had about him. He used fat people, smokers, and under educated people as examples of people who should change. Repeatedly. He is sitting in a room with at least 10 people who are overweight, 15 who are smokers and people who already don't feel that they have the best education. His message was to THINK BIG. Set big goals for your self and execute them. Don't let anyone stand in your way. I though it was ironic that his way of motivating people was to speak bad about them.

I'm not sure what I left the meeting with. Maybe a sense that this company has no more room for advancement in my field and that unless I want to become a sales person that I may need to look elsewhere.

I enjoy being a customer service representative. Everyone has times when they hate what they are doing, certain aspects of a job, whatever. I usually get over it pretty quickly and get back to the task at hand. I would work until late at night if they would let me. I did when I worked in Baltimore. They just go about accomplishing their goals here with half a heart. They want people to give 150%, but they need to have you out of the office by 5 so that they don't have to pay you overtime. They tell you to take initiative, but then when you come up with an idea or something that is feasible, the slap it down because they didn't think of it and it's not their way. It's a little discouraging and frankly I want something more.

I want to set goals (REALISTIC GOALS) for a team and then go about executing them with a contagious enthusiasm. The enthusiasm in our office is dead. That's another thing that I was left with from the meeting. I'm a pretty competitive person when involved in a contest, but I don't like what it makes me. In sales it would be a benefit, but they hire sales people without a competitive drive. In the meeting of 35 people, I only saw 5 people who had the drive. One was the manager and one was me and the others were the top three performers. The rest sat there without an enthusiastic bone in their body. Not saying anything, no comments, suggestions, nothing. Because they are afraid of rejection? Because they don't have type A personalities? Maybe a little of both. My point is that if they want a leading team, then need to hire leaders. Or they need to hire managers that aren't on power trips and beat down the ideas of their team members.

As I sit here typing this I am preparing a mental list of all the things I need to do before I can go on maternity leave. Much of these things are managerial. I gave up my management position when I left Baltimore. Because I am a leader I assume these tasks and my boss trusts that I will get them done. I don't have the same trust. I'm a little worried about what I will be coming back to in May.

I've gained 27 lbs. My doctor said that I should have only gained 10.

Umm... you couldn't have told me this when I first became pregnant?? Most of the books say to gain between 25 and 35. I figured I was doing ok. My sisters each gained 75 plus! Can't win for losing. I figure that as soon as I've been given the ok, I'm going to exercise my ass off. Literally. I can't wait.

Mr. Winky is off perusing his dreams. I'm a little envious. I've lost sight of mine. There was once a time when I had a vision of school and drama, all sorts of things. I think money kills dreams. The necessity of work and supporting yourself drains all energy and your dreams of living an adventurous life turn into dreams of paying off your bills.

I think the donor is messing with me... he may have moved his blog. Oh, well. I'm not looking for the new one if he did!

My sister is coming up tonight. She wants to go to the Purple Flower to buy some sex toys now that she's a newly single woman. So after the doctor's appointment tomorrow (with the VERY sexy doc I have), we are making a trip to enhance our sex crazed lives.

We got snow. Well, something close to it. We actually got snow that turned into ice and in the true mid-atlantic fashion, melted away before we could say "snowday".

Fortunately, with the icy road conditions my boss made me come into work. I would say us, but I was the only one who showed up. Apparently everyone else decided to take liberal leave.

So I sat in the office, alone, all day, while I answered calls for the boss. I couldn't even get any work done because the computers were down half the time and the other half was spent trying to help walk-in customers who where crazy enough to venture out into the weather for no apparent reason. One customer hung around for 30 minutes just talking to me. Then I stood up and he realized I wasn't available. :)

Other than being alone all day (which was killing me), I was in a good mood. Not that anyone could tell, as I WAS alone!!! I even called Mr. Winky looking for conversation. Alas, he was busy. Made the rounds to everyone else. Mom, sister, grandmother, etc.

Now I'm sitting here trying to think of something interesting to do. I'm feeling active and social, which would normally prompt me to take a trip to the karaoke place I'm so fond of, but the weather is a little to iffy for me to venture out in. So I sit here blogging.... searching for something to discuss.

I could tell you about the phone sex that the donor and I had last night. I told him about me wanting to be fucked by two men at once and that I wanted one in my mouth and one holding my legs open wide as they pushed into me. Then, I wanted the man in my mouth to cum on my face and tits. I asked which one he preferred to be. He chose the man between my legs, slapping his balls against my ass as he thrust his hard cock into me. I figured I'd include him in on my dirty little fantasies! I had him shooting off in record time. I do believe that we were on the phone for a total of five minutes before we both came in groaning waves of ecstasy. Then my phone battery started dying. Now I know why phone sex operators need a land line!

Happy Valentine's. A bit late, but still well intentioned! My V-day was ok. The donor made me a chicken dinner while dressed in the uniform I like so much. Then promptly fell asleep on me. My seductive charm must have been in full swing. I woke him up and had him come up to bed. It was 8ish when that happened. We lay there and talked for a while. Then I started rubbing on him and wrapped my hand around his cock, making him hard, then proceeded to give him a blow job, something I haven't done in a while. He seemed to enjoy it. I climbed on top of him and slipped him inside me ( I was soaking wet) and rocked on him for a few minutes. He came, it looked pretty intense, so I guess he didn't fake it. Then he fell asleep.

I got out of bed and took a shower. My mind was too active for me to sleep. Plus I'd just had a two hour nap before dinner. So I sat in the tub while the water washed over my naked body, not really cleansing myself, just soaking in the warmth of the water. I don't think I was feeling sorry for myself as I was just feeling the need to be relaxed. I've been sick all week and still felt a little bit of the bone weariness, but not sleepy. I slipped into clean panties and tshirt, then down the 3 flights of stairs to call my dad about my car. I took a few tylenol pms and read for a bit. Managed my way back up the stairs, and it is a bit of a strain to do that now a days. Climbed in bed and roused Mr. Winky for another bout of sex. This time rubbing his cock on my nipples, which are really sensitive. The desire to have a forceful fuck pulsing through my body. Wanting nothing but sweat slicked bodies pumping furiously together, while having my nipples sucked on. Having visions of a man in front of me and one behind me, pulling my hair, smacking my ass, cumming on my face. In my reality, Mr. Winky rubbed his dick in my wet snatch, pushing into me as we scissored legs. Pumping hard and talking dirty. He came then sat straight up in bed. Got dressed and went downstairs. By that time the pills kicked in and I was almost asleep. I drifted off thinking that maybe I'll get mine the following morning. Not so. Mr. W woke up to sore throat and lack of desire to do anything. I figure it's because the lights were on and it's harder to imagine me as desirable then. Sigh.

Tonight I am sleeping with my new Letters to Penthouse book and my trusty vibrator. I'm sure I'll get off, right? I don't think I'll be satisfied.

" I don't want you to get any ideas." That is the response I got from the donor when I asked him if he wanted to go out to a nice dinner tonight. He didn't have to pay, didn't have to do anything, but show up and eat.

Now I ask you... what the hell kind of reply is that? What idea doesn't he want me to have? Does he think I'm going to seduce him? We have sex often enough that I sincerely doubt that he is concerned on that level. I'm already knocked up (no worry about that). Sheesh. I know he doesn't love me, all I wanted to do was have a nice dinner some place other than the dingy little bar that we frequent. Again, men ruin everything.

A funny thing happened on the way to Walmart. Actually, Mr. Winky and I were leaving Walmart when it happened. First you will need some history.

Mr. Winky is a member of a crisis type team. Dealing with stress management and so on. Earlier in my pregnancy, when I wasn't nearly as pronounced as I am now, we went to dinner with a member of his team, Dan and his spouse, Linda. The dinner was to scope out a place for his annual awards meeting.

At that time Linda was 7 months pregnant and that was pretty much all we discussed. She had no clue that I was pregnant. They were nice people and when we discussed what I did for a living they were interested in my product, so I sold them on it and started seeing them a bit more. So when the annual dinner came around I fully expected to get an invite from Mr. W. NOT SO.... Apparently he didn't want anyone knowing that he was going to be a father, again. So.... I didn't get invited after he showed me the invitations, introduced me to his friends and let me build up a working relationship with them. Oh and took me hunting for the place. It was not a nice thing to do. I digress.

This past week we went to Walmart and ran into Dan and Linda. They noticed that I was a little bit pregnant and seemed a little surprised that I was sooooo far along without letting anyone know. Now tell me. Who looks like an ass? Me or Mr. Winky?

Dear Simon,

I just wanted to say thanks.

Jane

Sometimes people force me to view things in a different light. I don't always like it, but I try to listen.

I told a co-worker what was going on with my sister and she said that it was good that he was getting out, that my sister shouldn't have had that many kids and that she should have known this was going to happen.

What the hell??? I can understand that they are too young to have all those kids, but Dee can't predict that kind of thing. When people marry, in my opinion, they are making a commitment for life. If you join together with God and family as witnesses, don't you think that is a commitment? Maybe it's just too easy to get out. People don't have to work at a relationship anymore. They don't have to meet their vows that they made, because the law says that divorce is the easy way out. Granted, there are situations that warrant a divorce but, being stressed out and not wanting to be around people for a while, isn't one of them!

I'm trying to be impartial about the whole thing, but my co-workers comments just irritated the living hell out of me. I don't blame her husband for wanting time. Everyone needs time, but I think he is trying to take the easy way out and it's going to burn him. He needs to rethink what he is doing and give it some time. If he's with another woman, then he needs to work it through and get it out of his system. Maybe I'm too liberal with my thinking. If Mr. Winky and I were married and he cheated on me, I'd be pissed, but I wouldn't want to wreck my marriage over it. If I were cheating it would be the same way. It's just sex.

I have two separate issues tonight. First would be the naming of the donor. Apparently he is offended that I refer to him as the donor. Thus I will have to give him a name. I've settled on Mr. Winky. It's a pet name I gave him when we first started scrumping. I hope he will be happy that it has made a revival. He could always go with the second runner up, which would have been Will. I kinda like that one.

Second issue is my sister. She arrived at my house today at 3:30 ish. Apparently her husband wants a divorce. She doesn't. What am I supposed to say to her? I'm sorry seems to be so trivial. She cries at the drop of a hat. I'm getting weepy just looking at her. It seems that he wants to have a single life and that the kids and everything at home are not what he wants. He says that he's not in love with her anymore. That he's been thinking about this for about 2 years.

Dee is pissed. Not that I blame her. Two years ago she had one child. Not 3. He couldn't have said something earlier? How is she going to support 3 kids? Day care for one child is outrageous. I've found it for about $120 a week and that is a friend who is giving me a discount. FOR ONE CHILD! She has 3. Plus, how much money is she going to make to afford to live on her own and pay for child care, especially when she hasn't even graduated high school? She says she doesn't want anything from him, but she needs to be realistic. She isn't going to be able to take J to all of his appointments and work full time during the day. M doesn't start school until fall and she has the baby on the way.

If she moves down here she wants me to get a place with her, which is fine with me. I just can't seem to see her making it on her own. She's going to need support from someone and I'm happy to have her here. I know that is a little selfish, and I do want her marriage to work out, but I will need some help once the baby gets here. I'd much rather work with her help than anyone else.

I don't know what's going to happen with her, and I can only pray for the best. I do know that she's not going to do anything until after the baby is born and J has his surgery. That will probably be sometime in May. Until then, I shall pray for them.

The donor wrote about what he finds sexy.... It got me to thinking about some of the sexy things I've seen. At least, what I find sexy.

I have weakness for red-heads and bald men. Something about a man without a strand of hair is so damn sexy. Running my hands over their shiny smooth heads, covered in sweat from a little exertion! Yummy.

Then red heads..... I don't quite know what it is. I find that most of them have wonderful dispositions and then a horrible temper that is dominating. The combination has never failed to make me wet.

If you combine one of the above with a uniform, I'm a goner. I had a guy come into my work today who was dressed in cammies and had a head of red hair. I about fell in love. I looked at him and felt the air just sizzle. He wasn't wearing a ring, flashed me his dimples (another weakness) and I'm pretty sure that I drooled. Soaked right through my panties. Thinking about it now is making me wet !! Too bad he was being shipped across the seas. That's why he was there. To cancel his service with my company. He's been recalled to active duty and won't be around for a while. I'm a little crushed. If I weren't 7 months pregnant I would have been a little more flirty. Maybe I'll keep his information handy for after I have the little one.

The donor just got a new uniform that I am kind of partial to. It looks like the flight suits that Tom Cruise wore in Top Gun. Combined with his bald head.... hmmm... wonder when he has to wear that again???!!!

My sister and mother are down for an impromptu visit. I received a call a day or so ago that told me that they would be down the follow day. So I prepared the house and the mind for the visit.

My mother can be a bit vulgar at times, but she is a sweetheart. She would give you the world if she could. My sister DeeDee has the same heart, so when she got there last night (and she's seven months pregnant, too) she looked like death warmed over and so stressed out that she was crying most of the time.

Apparently she and her husband are having problems. He's a military recruiter and is working his ass off. She's a stay at home mom for 2 kids and has one on the way. PLUS, one of my nephews has special needs and she's constantly at the doctors with him. She's new to the area that she's in and has yet to make any friends and the closest family member is 5 hrs away.

I listened to her talk to her husband on the phone last night and couldn't get past the hurt in her voice. She loves her family and he is put in high pressure position where he is working long hours and trying to be a family man, and she feels that she is doing it on her own. He feels that the family and job are too much and thinks that maybe he needs to be single. I think he needs a little time to himself and then a swift kick in the ass.

With all my issues with the donor, I don't happen to have to worry about him supporting me. I can take care of myself and I'm not scared of being on my own. My sister isn't the same. She's always been in a relationship and now that she has kids, if she divorces, which was in the discussion last night, she doesn't know what to do.

Sometimes I wish that life were simple.

I've decide to write again! I thing I've pulled myself out of a funk enough to be social on a literary level...maybe. Either way, I've decided to vent a little more.

Things with the donor are basically the same. He has told his family, but hasn't informed his friends that he is an expectant father. He still feels free to discuss all issues public and VERY private about our lives to people. All from his point of view and not always the way it is. If you're interested in getting his side of the story you can visit him at www.ncblog.blogspot.com . Enlightening look into my choice of men.

As for me.... I am 7 months pregnant and as big as a house. I've been sexually unsatisfied for the longest time. Which is a little sad since I am having sex. I just can't seem to get there. He gets there.... harder for a man to fake it! My sisters (2 out of 3 ) are pregnant. As well as co-workers and a few friends. It must be in the water this year.

Since nothing has really changed with the donor, I'm not quite sure what to vent about. If there is every anything new you can always find it on his site. Twisted to suit his audience and not always the truth, but there.

I shall write more as I feel inspired.